To anyone that hasn’t seen the show, Hal and Lois would probably seem like the catastrophic parents. But, us Malcolm in the Middle fans know that they’ve always tried to do their best. And let’s be real: raising five children is hard, right? Now multiply that by a hundred and you’re not even close to what the Wilkerson brothers put Hal and Lois through.
When it comes to disciplining Reese, Malcolm, Dewey, and Francis, mere lectures or groundings just weren’t going to cut it. So, Hal and Lois had to get creative… Here are the 10 worst ways the boys were ever punished.
Dewey Getting his stomach pumped
If you remember the episode “Dewey’s dog,” you know exactly what we’re talking about. The victim, in this case, was little Dewey, whom Malcolm and Reese decided to expose finding out he was hiding a dog in the house - Marshmallow. So, the boys let Marshmallow eat the parents’ anniversary dinner, but Dewey was quick on his feet and jumped at the table pretending it was him who was munching on the dinner.
Furious, Hal and Lois straight up took him to the doctor to have his stomach pumped. However, the only thing they found were some marbles, crayons, and small candles. And yes, those were Dewey’s stomach contents and not the dog’s…
Malcolm being kicked out of the house
Kicking their sons out of the house seems like one Hal and Lois’ favorite punishments. Or maybe it’s their go-to method in case they’re not feeling particularly creative that day? In any case, Malcolm got kicked out of the house for sneaking out when he was grounded while Reese got the boot because of whatever horrible atrocity happened in “Reese’s Apartment” (seriously, no one knows).
Also, Reese spent a good period living in their back yard because Lois refused to support him until he found a job. And Francis… well we all know what happened with him.
Lifetime ban from the theater, 3 weeks of chores, and standing upside down with their heads in trash buckets
In the episode “Busey’s Run Away,” Reese and Malcolm were subsequently punished two times, making up one ultimate grounding. It all started with the whole fireworks fiasco in the movie theater which resulted in the family getting a lifetime ban from the theater and three weeks of slavery around the house for the boys.
The second punishment came the same day after Lois heard them concocting another prank involving the neighborhood’s sewage, which could have been a lot less severe if Lois hadn’t heard Malcolm and Reese referring to her as fat and stupid. In short, the boys were forced to literally stand upside down with their heads placed in trash buckets. Parents take notes.
Reese having to Eat off the bathroom floor for 3 weeks
After Stevie and Malcolm refused to help Reese with his idea to make a snake suit from his own burned skin (yuck), Reese decided to retaliate. In order to humiliate Stevie, he re-edited his acceptance speech by including a bunch of cuss words. When Malcolm ratted Reese out to Lois, she made him clean the bathroom until it was so clean he could eat off it.
And in this case, he really DID have to eat off it, for the next three weeks… But, the thing that crushed Reese was when Lois “accidentally” vacuumed his peeled skin. “It just took it.”
Dewey Having his food dipped in sardine juice
That’s actually the most disgusting thing ever. In spite of Dewey’s good intention of throwing Jamie a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, Lois figured he deserved to be punished by having everything he eats dipped in sardine juice.
Though that’s probably because Dewey’s act was motivated more by retaliation than by altruism since he found out that he didn’t have any childhood pictures. So, his plan was to at least make sure Jamie didn’t suffer the same fate.
Francis being Exiled off to military school
If you’ve ever wondered why Francis ended up in Marlin Academy, keep reading (or re-watch the pilot episode of Malcolm in the Middle). Francis had been a troublemaker from an early age and Lois had been trying to curb his irresponsible behavior for years.
One day, he was caught in bed with a girl promptly before crashing his neighbor’s car, resulting in him being detained. But, the straw that broke the camel’s back was in fact when he got his nose pierced - in spite of Lois explicitly warning him that he’d be sent to military school if he ever did that. And we all know how that turned out.
Malcolm and Reese kneeling in front of the wall for 2 hours
No matter how much Lois tries to keep her kids under control, it never seems to work out. And in spite of all the threats and punishments the boys endure, they never learn. One day, Malcolm and Reese were caught playing around with a steam cleaner in Lucky Aide and getting himself all foamed.
The punishment? Two hours of non-stop kneeling while facing the wall, with their hands interlocked behind their heads and their chin and elbows touching the wall… you know, your usual punishment for playing with a steamer.
Reese standing in the corner at a funeral
This unusual punishment is what followed when Reese broke the expensive Mighty Man toy intended for Dewey’s upcoming birthday. In fact, Reese was particularly looking forward to the funeral, as he was planning on hiding the broken toy in aunt Helen’s coffin.
Mortified by his hidden intentions, Hal and Lois made Reese apologize to the corpse of aunt Helen. But, that’s not all! For the duration of the ceremony, he had to stand in the corner facing the wall to show how much he’s ashamed of himself.
Lois selling all of the kids’ belongings to the church
When Lois forced the boys to engage in community service, she never suspected they’d create a black market. This is exactly what happened in the episode “Charity,” where Malcolm, Dewey, and Reese had to start helping the local church. Realizing how many donations were coming in from the community, they started stealing and selling all the merchandise. It was Hal who caught on, so he decided to take the kids back to the church to apologize and return everything they stole.
Here’s the plot twist: Hal’s car breaks down in the middle of the street, jam-packed with stolen donations. Of course, he tries to give out all the donations to pedestrians but ends up being arrested on theft and solicitation. What did Lois do when she found out? Made the boys and Hal donate every single thing they owned to the church.
Lois Cancelling Christmas for the entire family
One does not simply cancel Christmas… Unless one is Lois, that is. Remembering all the shenanigans the boys had put her through every Christmas so far, she decided she’d cancel the holiday for the whole family until the boys improved their behavior.
Careless, Malcolm and Reese organized an ornament fight in the living room prompting Lois to turn into Grinch and lock up the Christmas tree along with all the presents in the garage. Then, she took Reese’s Christmas stocking and thew it into the fireplace, sadistically forcing all the kids to watch Reese cry as it burnt up. Dark.
